Growing up my friends and I loved Spice Girls. Like a lot.
We even had our own ensemble:
There was B who was Scary
M who was Ginger
S who was Sporty
And me, Posh and Baby (we didn’t have a five person crew).
When I look back on those summer days I can’t help but smile. We rehearsed every dance and song. I directed us in music videos with my dad’s old video camera. We used sheets and hung them from the ceiling to make a “cool effect.” We even had our outfits down perfectly.
That was 20ish years ago.
Today I was tagged in a Spice Girl’s video post by M. I hadn’t seen B in years. And well, I haven’t talked to M in person for years and years, so I clicked on her profile too. S is my cousin, so we talk every week.
And I couldn’t help but realize how different our lives are. I feel so behind. They are all married and have kids. I was the oldest of the crew and I am still single with no marriage in sight.
For the most part I am content with my single life. It’s what I know. And comparison robs us of joy. This I know too. But sometimes it sneaks in when you least expect it.
I think of life like a road and we all have the final destination to get too and some people get there faster than others. There’s these big moments in life whether it’s marriage or babies or careers that mark our life, but they’re not distance markers (no!), they are these holes in the road that run deeper into the ground. So, when you hit these markers, you fall into these pits and you keep going further and further. It’s not supposed to be scary. It’s surprising, sure, because life is unexpected, especially love and babies. You also may dig deeper because you realize how much depth there is to life. But for those who just run to the finish line without falling into pits – and these pits usually involve people and relationships of some kind – they have a shallow experience of life.
I feel like I have a shallow experience of life. I have hit some holes, don’t get me wrong, and I have dug deep in the things I have fallen into, but right now, from up here, everyone seems to be in marriage and children holes and it’s lonely.