A Realization of a Single Woman

You know how there are just moments that you find yourself in and you think, I need to listen. I need to pay attention. This is important. I was placed here for a reason to observe and learn. 

They are these teachable moments that are going to shape you and possibly change the path you’re on or maybe actually get you back onto the path you were supposed to be walking.

Tonight after the women’s gathering, I stood with three women as we processed through some marital issues. And as I stood there listening to one woman who spent three decades as a single woman and who is now married for two share her heart, and then another woman who has been married for 11 years, and another for 17 years, sharing their advice and wisdom, I found myself in that moment. LISTEN, TAWNY. Take this all in. Be a sponge. Soak it all up.

One day, God willing, I will be married and I will need to remind myself of this wisdom. I will need to remember that I am not alone. That I will have support and other women who have gone before or are going through it too — going through the suck, the struggle, the real reality of sanctification.

The biggest takeaway I had was the realization that if I were to marry my relationship with God will change. That how God communicates with me may change. It won’t be just me and God, but it will be me and this other man and God. We are going to become one flesh. And how I connect to God may change. Also, I will have to trust another sinful human too. My sin will not be the only thing God and I will have to deal with but someone else’s sin will be in the mix.

I am thankful that I haven’t wasted my singleness. I have been very grateful to be single. But having this realization tonight brought in a whole new layer of gratitude. I love my God. I love spending time with Him. I love our conversations and how He loves me. I protect our relationship too. And knowing that it could change, to be honest, scares me. Obviously if God tells me to marry a man, I will. I will certainly obey, but I am going in with clearer eyes now — knowing what I will give up.

I have never been one to settle (some would say that’s the reason why I am a spinster) and maybe that is partially true but I am okay with that. I will not settle for anything less than what God wants. I will not give up my precious relationship with God for someone who does not value God or their relationship with Him. I want a man who loves God just as much as I do or even more so and who is willing to submit to God and be sanctified together.

Yet until then, God will continue to be my husband and I will love the time we have together. It’s precious and it’s worth the lonely nights because really, I am not alone. He’s with me.

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3 thoughts on “A Realization of a Single Woman

  1. I cringe when I watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” and the worst possible thing that could have happened to Mary was that she was an old maid / spinster. But then I think about what they didn’t explore – how she adapted to life on her own, followed her own dreams, provided for herself, and made relationships with those she interacted with. It’s as if they’re saying that her life is empty without having met/married George and had all those kids. I don’t think it was – it was just different.
    To me, a Christianity where the end-all and be-all of following God is marriage isn’t a kind of Christianity worth believing in; it’s not what we’re here for and what we’re here to do in and of itself. Jesus didn’t come that we might all have marriages to the full and two to four kids each; and not everyone gets either or both. Perhaps Christianity has spent too long bowing at the altar of marriage, with it’s knee to the idol of parenthood, offering too much of itself to the gods of domestic ideals. For the first time in millennia, we live in a world where women aren’t required to marry in order to be provided for and it’s a scary thing to the Church who doesn’t know how to preach to us where we’re at and doesn’t know how to make the old, old rules apply.

    1. Thank you for your comment! I agree with you. Marriage is not a requirement to be a “whole” Christian. I have found in churches I’ve attended in the past that they didn’t know what to do with the single folk – it was like, “well, you’ll be married eventually, so you just have to wait to join our team” sort of attitude. Thankfully, I attend a church now that validates every person and their calling, whether single, married, widowed, etc. doesn’t matter the “relationship status.”

      I hope that my post didn’t make it sound like marriage is something that I think is required to have a healthy relationship with God. It is something that I desire – and not because the church tells me so; yet I desire God even more so and will continue to live my life for Him only.

      And I had to laugh at your “spinster” example because my family calls me that. They want me married and having babies, and their atheists! :p

      1. I think that’s why I got to rooting for Lady Edith on Downton Abbey; she tried to follow the rules and they let her down. So she followed her heart and found true happiness.

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