It’s strange looking for a roommate. I’ve been blessed in all of my years of living on my own to move into a home instead of trying to have someone move in with me. I was usually the one in the tight spot of having nowhere to go. And now that I have a place and I am trying to find someone, I realize how much this side of things suck.
It’s good though. It’s definitely reinforces what I know to be true: God is in control. His Will not mine. He will provide. And it may be frustrating and tough, but it’s how I react, how I submit, that will determine the success of this temporary season.
I’ll be honest, my brain and heart are in a state of flux. I have gone hours where I am okay, completely trusting God, and then I have a moment that throws me and I have a good five-minutes of just fear and worry.
Thoughts have ranged from:
- “What if? What if I can’t find someone?”
- “I don’t want to be desperate and say yes to the first person because I need to trust in God’s timing.”
- “God, can you get rid of this student loan so that I can just live on my own?”
- “God, I will be patient. I will wait. Bring someone.”
- “Let me do all of the things to find the roommate.”
- “Well, looks like I am living on the streets. Here, let me sell my books.”
- “I need help.”
- “I don’t need help.”
- “I am not alone.”
- “I feel so alone in this.”
Suffice it to say, I am learning to trust God in this. I am not all the way there yet.
He has reminded me of what He has brought me out of and how He has provided for me.
And I also keep repeating Philippians 4:6-7:
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
God will get me through this and it may not look how I envisioned either. Who knows what will happen by May 15.
If you’re reading this, please pray for me.